Valentine Victim
This holiday began with the exchange of handwritten notes expressing affection between friends and lovers as far back as the 18th century. However, it has morphed into flowers, gifts, and fancy dinners. How did this simple exchange supersize into larger expectations?
In relationships, it is common for each person to experience and receive love differently. For example, in the 5 Love Languages Book, they state that there are five different ways people receive love: physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts of appreciation, acts of service, and quality time. Therefore, if one only perceives love by a small gift and they only receive hugs and kisses on Valentine’s Day, likely they will feel disappointed. So how can we manage expectations?
Likely, not each partner gives and receives love similarly and this can lead to feelings of resentment. This is where communication is important. Couples should speak to one another about what is important to them for holidays, big and small. One person may expect a lot whereas the other thinks that everything is inflated in price and refuses to spend the money. Understanding the needs and wants of the other is critical; as it leads to a deeper understanding of how they feel and sees themselves in the relationship you are in together. If you act dismissive and irritated at their request for a gift exchange it could likely create distance between you and your partner even a feeling of not being worthy. Likely on the other hand if one doesn’t want to celebrate and feels pressured to perform will resent the act they are required to play. The answer is always communication and discussing even the simplest of things.
Melissa’s Monthly Tips
Plan early in the month to discuss holiday expectations
Set a budget for gifts or activities
Don’t let your love or appreciation end on the 15th
