Relief after the ring?

There is a proposal, tears of joy, a ring, and many calls to loved ones to share the blissful news. In that moment a fleeting thought races in, “Finally, I will not have to date again.” Gone are the days of blind dates, being fixed up, dating apps and meeting people at parties to find your true love. But are they? According to The U.S. Census Bureau, “Between 2008 and 2016, the median age at first marriage increased to 30 for men and 28 for women.” Do couples’ stop dating because they have been doing it so long and are just tired? The engagement, a ring, and lastly the public declaration (a wedding) in front of family and friends of your devotion to date this one person, but what does that really mean? All that symbolism is an investment in your relationship which still requires nurturing. The symbolisms are not meant to be a cliff dive where all the relationship’s focus ends.

In my practice, one of my regular questions to ask is, “How often do you go on dates?” Many couples say they don’t or they go out with other couples, but they don’t invest in themselves as a couple. Why is this? I have heard that weekends are reserved for family time, well there are five other days in the week. When we spend quality time investing in our relationship, feelings of loneliness, distance, and fragmentation are minimized. When all parties are seen and heard, bonds are made and solidified.

Melissa’s Monthly Tips

1. In person daily check in, without disruptions- Cell phones away and no kid interruption. Ask about each other’s day.

2. Weekly dates nights- talk about common interests. NO logistics, household repairs & no discussion of children or family.

3. Intimacy with your clothes on builds trust to have intimacy with your clothes off.